Kind of a spin off of that thread where you talked about the person ICly her posted before you.
I think it would be intersting to know about the sides of characters you don't see! Or at least how players view their own characters.
(I refuse to start)
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Some of me bleeds through her, inevitably, but I try hard to make her choices suit her, and not just what I would do. I'm not really as sadistic as she is >.>.
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She is also obsessed with beetles, but the 'good' beetles from Serenwilde like ladybugs, lightning bugs and stag beetles. She believes that Beetle is fond of her, and sent her pet, Albany the stag beetle, to her in order to protect her.
She is hyperintelligent but very ditzy, often doing things that make her look like a complete idiot.
From a character PoV, Lerad doesn't really understand emotions, and displays of affections. His repertoire is limited to either (poor) acting or bloodlust. He tends to think of himself as the one who does the dirty work for the org, and will clandestinely work with anybody, and subsequently betray them, if the situation calls for it. He takes for granted the fact that he is a part of his org, he doesn't entertain the thought of leaving at all, but not because he is "dedicated" or "loyal", rather because he feels that himself being a part of his org is so natural that he literally doesn't imagine or think about alternatives.
I do sometimes break character, but that's usually when I get over-excited myself, but I do make a conscious effort to keep that under wraps. Other than that, I think I'm very comfortable with Lerad as a character. Whether I develop him further depends on my motivation (aka laziness), of course, since there's plenty of room for character growth. Lerad is, despite his own claims, not emotionless or soulless, as he likes to think. He does get stimulated by bloodlust, and that raises the possibility of other emotions as well, naturally.
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It didn't take very long for this to wear thin, and I found Ragniliff needed to start (or at least attempt) rationalising her own behaviour to in order for me to be able to continue fluidly. She became excruciatingly judgmental of everyone and everything (most especially herself), and this ended up being the crux of her development for quite a while.
In spite of that fact, she ended up attracting a disturbingly large number of love interests (which she didn't want), the majority of which gave up after it became clear that she was the same in private as she was in public. Ragniliff has always been almost completely devoid of a sense of romance, so that made this side of life interesting as well. As an example, the very first engagement she eventually had - to Veyda - was agreed upon solely to spite Veyda's father, who had rather annoyed Ragniliff of late. He had a bet running with Veyda over the matter, and Ragniliff just decided that she really wanted him to lose it and cough up the gold. The end. Stuff like this made up the bulk of Ragniliff's early life.
Without going into too much detail, I'll say that finally being accepted into a family probably changed her more than any single one factor. After around 100 years or so of feeling like she could say or do just about whatever she felt like, now she had bizarre internal pressures to be a good and reasonable representative of the family. This only became worse when all of her siblings started disappearing, leaving her as the one consistent part of the root generation. At this point, she flipped into an overly cautious disposition, which remnants of her prior self would sometimes rebel against, resulting in a flurry of strange and erratic behaviour. However, given that the majority of the "Fate-Bound" act like psychotic serial killers, no one really notices.
She was a faeling for the longest time, so when she became a changeling, she started to be more capricious in her faeling form compared to the others. Over time, however, it's all bled together, and works with very little rhyme or reason.
Ragniliff never really aspired to be anything more than a soldier, and saw many people never achieve their own dreams or goals over the years. As a result, she becomes vaguely annoyed and irritable when responsibility and position are thrust in her direction, as she regards them as nuisances best left to people who would actually care to have them. She still usually gets talked into it anyways, but it produces half-hearted effort.
And that's about all I feel like sharing on the forums. I don't think any of you should post things here that you would be shocked to have other people suddenly "know" without reason, and I sure am not. So, if you want to learn more, like what she thinks about Gloriana/Glomdoring, how she almost became a La'Saet, about her time in Serenwilde, or why she still follows Viravain, then you'd better find a way to weasel it out in-game.
I'm so glad this thread has finally picked up. These are very interesting to read!
And please post away Phoebus! We wouldn't be in the thread if we didn't want to read it. :P
Think of this thread as an opportunity to open a window into your character's psyche, for everyone to peer into like peeping toms.
And let's be honest, folks, Lusternia is full of drama vultures who are hungry for any little nibble they can get, so feel free to share as much or as little as you are comfortable with outside of the confines of the game. I only did as much as I did because Ragniliff much prefers letting her action (or inaction) do the talking instead of actually communicating. She's not going to speak unless pried, so there is a lot she carries around hidden that few people will get to see.
Oh, and Celina, you do know it's going to be your turn some day. Right?
Okie doke, I'll give this a go since it was my idea.
Celina is a very "my way or the highway" person. She is old, experienced, and successful and generally believes that if she believed something, and it were wrong, she would know it. Glomdoring or Mother Night or something would have told her so. She's become somewhat more humble as she gets older and finds herself with more responsibility, but in general, she is very prideful, and believes it paramount to her service to Glomdoring to retain that pride. She is what she is because of the Glomdoring, and to criticize her or call her arrogant for it is to insult her (though an insult she is used to), but to tell her she shouldn't possess that pride is an insult to Glomdoring that molded her. What comees across as arrogance, she generally dismisses as another's lack of understanding of her duty. Generally speaking, she dislikes emotion. She's subject to them as any mortal is, but finds nearly all of them to be a burden and a distraction from her duty. The exception being wrath or vengeance, which she considers to be the most powerful of emotions, and paramount to a warrior of Glomdoring. She has a deep resevoir or rage, and though many have seen pieces of it, she conceals the vast majority of it at all times, some of it even for those within Glomdoring. She knows it will destroy her should it ever fully control her, but also knows she needs it to do her duty. It's a balancing act that she is always aware of. She believes herself to be a master of rage, able to tap into her own very deep pool when she needs it, but also draw it from others. She believes that if she can incite someone to express their own rage, she can control them, or at least better understand how to deal with them. It's a tactic she employed with Nori and again with Xynthin. Something she takes great amusement in is people who believe her to be an blood thirsty, single minded, arrogant monster, and in the subtlety of not adhering the typical ideas of being subtle. The anger and blunt approaches are often just tools she'll use because people expect them from her. There is the public Celina, and the real Celina who was raised to wear masks from her first year out of the portal. She knows that to let people know her too closely is to give them an upper hand, which means she exposes herself to weakness and ultimately to risk failing in her duty because of it. She isn't entirely divorced from what she learned in Fain's Order.
Duty is the foundation of Celina. She doesn't speak of it often, but she adheres to it unconditionally. She does what she believes is best for the Glomdoring, and has no fear bucking authority or being the voice of the minority when it is required of her. She often enjoys it, being so divisive and controversial. At the end of the day, however, she believes it is her and every other servant of Glomdoring's duty to prepare the younger members to be worthy inheretents of the forest and its ideals. She admires the mother scorpion (not the grandmother spirit, the predator) because it is a dangerous predator and effecient killer, but also because of the great sacrifice she makes to protect and carry her young until they are capable of surviving on their own. The mother scorpion also does it alone, without relying on others. She finds herself at odds with Shikari's Pack at times because of the constant pressure to be social and work together. She knows what she needs to do, and she will do it alone. Talan is really the only person to have understood this about her. She's a lot of boasting and bluster, but at her core, she is a mama grizzly and nothing pushes her buttons like going after those that she she is duty bound to protect. In many ways, she defines herself on her ability to protect the forest and those within it. Be it diplomatically, politically, or in a fight. When it comes to that duty, she adheres to no code of morality. The ends will always justify the means. Glomdoring, to her, is not some mysterious or abstract idea. The Wyrd is a part of the Glomdoring, a tool of it, but the Glomdoring is set of ideals that breed strength, and a community that is unconditionally bound to one another. It's defined by the people, spirits, and ideals that make it up. There, to her, has never been some hidden, undefinable pseudo overmind that is the Wyrd. It's something people have fabricated to give themselves and their goal value, value which she has without alleging the Wyrd is anything more than a catalyst and tool for the Glomdoring.
This is getting long so I'll shorten up some other points I like about Celina:
She sees value in everyone in Glomdoring, even the people she does not like...which is almost everyone. She has started growing extremely fond of the Coven, and of her relationship with Astraea. She belives women are inherently greater than men. She loves battle, to an almost sadistic extent. She believes it breeds and nurtures the greatest aspects of a person, and has no reservations about diving into a fight and being defeated. To bleed is to live, and she delights in the orchestrated choas of a fight. I've always envisioned Celina as the crazy warrior woman who is laughing and spitting and cursing as she fights, just being consumed by the fight.
Frankly, I don't get how Lyora copes with him at times, but she is among the very short list of people he's actually got any kind of feelings towards.
On a deeper level, she fears responsibility and the vices that accompany it, such as lust for power, loss of direction, and loss of self. But, she is GA of the Aeromancers, which she supposes she is handling at an average level. She realizes that she will never be able to completely fill the shoes of those who came before her, particularly Tulemrah and Leta, but she is not resentful of this fact and accepts this with grace, especially as she has accepted she was never meant for a leadership position.
She rarely becomes truly close to people due to fear of the feelings she associates with separation, but has found a true kindred spirit in her cousin, Irillia. She has grown to appreciate isolation and silence.
She is interested in romance but that has become a tertiary priority in the whole scheme of things, including but not limited to: attainment of demidivinity, becoming a better Isunean, and managing the guild shop.
I do my best to stay in character, but I do take the easy RP way out because Zyphora is essentially a more exaggerated version of myself.
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Glomdoring Maellio was, for lack of a better term, a manipulative bastard [how successful of one I leave to history]. A face for every occasion, a scheme for every action, if he didn't have an ulterior motive for something he'd feel like he's wasting effort. He was a product of a Glomdoring, and particularly of a mentor, that canonized subtlety, scheming, and socializing. And honed by his long involvement with the Harbingers [and subsequently doting on the Inseira/Shee-Slaugh]. If not for a falling out with his mentor and general disillusionment with a Glom that he found too overt and warmongering [among other things] he'd probably have been a happy little Wyrdling to this day. However he eventually got a little invitation from Arel to tour Hallifax and the Institute, a doubtless bit of Glom-style manipulation on his part, which I can unequivocally state sold Mael on moving.
In Hallifax Maellio was at first much the same, albeit putting on aires of Collectivism and a not unreasonable amount of eccentricities crafted for the part. Though then he got to know people like Sylandra, Phoebus, Daraius, Ileein, and Orventa and he rather fell in love with the place. And marrying the latter [and producing family of his own] certainly put the nail in the serpent's coffin, having actually decided Hallifax was rather worth the effort. And, to cut out another long story, he eventually reincarnated into his far more fitting self. An easily missed, contented, trundling little ball of bureaucratic blubber. So admittedly still manipulative and duplicitous, but now he'll explain it to your face. And offer you a cookie. And tea.
And as a bonus [or at least something I think is more interesting than the above rambling condensation of seven years of MUD], the single defining character flaw Mael has is a rather inherent dependency on socialization. Which generally translates into if I've not talked to people in a while, I tend to play Mael a bit OOC as an excuse for some strange decisions. Admittedly not as strange as Merian Mael, but that's story for another day >.=.<
NARF!
Mainly I've realized that, despite having made some rather drastic changes in org/guild placement, Eri really hasn't changed all that much at his core. He's extremely adaptive and very much outwardly conforming, so going from praising Brother Hart to suddenly having an interest in temporal mechanics and shunning the worth of Great Spirits altogether isn't a very big deal in his eyes. His beliefs easily change to reflect those of his peers, though how much of them actually run deep and shape who he is as a person, rather than as a figurehead?
I suppose 'none' would be the best answer, because it seems to have held true. Eritheyl easily comes off as flighty and a sort of opportunist, because that's essentially what he is. That's not to say he can suddenly be swayed from whatever concept he's preaching on at this leg of the century, just that once he finds something that he can feel content with and work into his everyday life (Spirits, science, the Light, etc), he settles without placing any real value on it. He explores, he learns, and when he feels there's nothing left for him, he moves on. He'll strive to be the most knowledgeable/influential/useful in his field, then will gradually let it slip away and find something new when he feels he's reached his peak and done all he can do.
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I think too much of myself comes across at times, but in my head I like to think of Ushaara as a tragic hero, and very much his own worst enemy.
Rather than simply being 'a man of his word', he believes 'a man -is- his word.' This belief in the sanctity of a promise has led him to a few instances of self-sabotage when conflicted with a choice between his personal contentment, and his perceived sense of duty to others. So far, he is obstinately continuing in what he sees as his duty, while recognising that he has perhaps sacrificed his hope of contentment. His differing relationships with Zvoltz and Isune I think make a nice accompaniment here. Zvoltz understanding and at times even reinforcing his sense of duty above personal contentment, and on the other side, Isune calling him out on the same choices. He should probably learn what Her tenet of Sacrifice actually entails some time...
The implementation of his sense of duty is markedly different to Celina's. Ushaara is a reluctant... hmm, I don't really know what he is... having fallen into a vague sort of 'leader' shape more as a consequence of time, than having had an ambition to lead. As such, he is not one for confrontation, preferring to quietly persuade or dissuade to a course of action behind the scenes, before a final decision is made. Though even if the final decision is one he does not agree with, his oath of service ensures that he submits and obeys. As a 'leader' though, he brings the same obstinacy and determination to achieve his goals that drives his more personal life.
He is also susceptible to cults of personality, and had he been a member of Glomdoring, he would likely have unquestionably followed Xynthin to his doom. In Hallifax, aside from the ingrained extolling of our Beloved Eternal Chairman Cririk, Sylandra and Morbo have achieved positions of 'Our Great Leader' in his mind. Sylandra's tenure is somewhat romanticised since it's been so long, I can't actually remember what was achieved, I just remember it being a really fun time to be playing and it was a promise to her that resulted in his play.
And I guess lastly, his feelings of pride mostly stem not from his own achievements, but from the achievements of others he has helped.
Llesvelt, a bit like Phoebus, started out radically different than his current incarnation, but the seeds were definitely there. He was a young idealist, a hopeful Cantor apprentice with a great interest in the Light, but without much understanding of history, least of all his own or that of his kind. He did not know his family, and that always did tear at him a bit, he was sure that he was born a Trill (it just felt very right) but he could not remember anything else from his time before the Portal of Fate. Anyways, at this point in time he was pretty much just a random young'un spouting hymns to the glory of the Light.
About one month after his exiting the Portal, Hallifax returned, and he was very curious. After some deliberation he sought out that city of crystal spires in the sky.
And, well, at first, during his formative years in the Collective, he was still somewhat influenced by his youthful idealism and even belief in the Light. After a while he slowly developed as a person. He lost his faith in what he would come to call "the hollow escapism of the Light" and replaced it with a slowly building zeal for the Collectivist ideology. He began to truly and fully love Hallifax, and the whole idea of the Collective. He wrote propaganda and knew it was propaganda, but slowly he developed the necessary doublethink to actually believe his own lies and half-truths. He was adopted by Saaga Shavatt and made part of the Shavatt family (before they became the Shevats) where he truly saw his potential grow, he became a politician, at times a rather important one, and engaged in all matter of backroom dealings and political intrigue (which was fun like hell).
Through this period in time, he suffered from severe self-worth issues. He tried putting on a strong and complete exterior but he always felt incredibly belittled by the efforts of the rest of his family (whom he still loved dearly), especially his cousin Ileein. Elostian became a rather big part of his life at this point and served as a great mentor leading him ever further towards the horrible person he would end up becoming. He learned to control his bouts of depression and jealousy mostly by doing a better job of hiding it and putting on an even more shiny facade. He tempered his self-pity, self-denial and all around horrible self-view into rather potent fuel for his political aspirations and propaganda efforts.
Finally, and today, Llesvelt is a very, very, very racist, xenophobic, close-minded, reactionary, extremist, elitist, neurotic, disturbed, depressed and utterly calculated individual. He absolutely hates himself and secretly believes that everyone else should as well, but he loves the Collective, he loves his family, he loves Hallifax, he loves Tulemrah, he loves his race and he loves all the ideals that he does not in the least feel entitled to even be associated with. He believes that Trill and Lucidian are above all other mortal races in a very clear hierarchy of natural aptitude in matters of rational thought and empathy, though he will concede that certain specimens of other races are sometimes a credit to their kind. He is an utter extremist and will not concede even an inch to anyone who would wish to see Hallifax fall to drug-addled lizards, pseudo-civilized primitivists, followers of a delusional religion or anything else. He keeps his mind in check by lying to himself and doublethinking his way out of moral and ethical problems. He has a very cruel streak and almost delights in seeing anyone he deems inferior fail in any way, and thus strengthen his worldview. He worries that his facade is not working and everyone knows what a pathetic wreck he is on the inside.
For the Collective, Comrade.
I like it when people learn more about my character in-game, but that only works so well with Fay.
Fay is simple, and yet complex (really, but not really!). Her past is without parents, and this explains her situation pretty well (she mostly raised herself). She speaks oddly, and words things in such a way that sometimes makes no sense to anyone except herself. Getting direct answers out of her isn't always easy, and most give up right away. She is clueless, innocent, energetic, does not know love or hate, and simply enjoys being with people, even without communication. She enjoys helping others, and when she was part of New Celest, there were many opportunities for this. Now she just makes clothes for naked players and gives random things to people (not always useful). Today she gave an antidote to somebody who died to crotamine. She likes giving gifts to people, and she frequently tailors things for people that they'd never need.
Her main goal was to be reunited with whom she calls "Big Sis", which was a character (and used to be player) of her history. Not a real big sister, as she has no family. This character taught Fay various things, which is why Fay looked up to her as an elder sister. She went to New Celest seeking her after the Portal of Fate, and they were reunited (while my friend played). Fay still waits to find her again, in New Celest.
I suppose this is stuff most of anyone who has played with Fay already knows (except her history), but maybe not. I hope you get to figure out more in the future![:) :)](https://localforums.lusternia.com/resources/emoji/smile.png)