Nexus Explanations of Orgs

Parhelion

I realise that people complain about small things in Lusternia  a bit too often, but I happened to find the newest changelog interesting and thought I'd look at it. I'm appreciative of the fact that Magnagora is no longer "The City of Evil". However, the rest of them are...lacklustre, imo.

Magnagora (The Engine of Transformation)

A casualty of the cataclysm which unleashed the corruptive Taint upon the First World, Magnagora sees itself as a survivor. Not only have its citizens harnesssed those destructive powers, but through demonic pacts and mastery over the element of Earth, they pursue progress and transformation with little regard for morality and the taboo. Thriving on conquest, devious plots, wicked experiments, and forbidden magicks, the Engine marches ever forwards.

Ok, pretty well written. Several lines, explains Magnagora well.

Glomdoring Commune (The Heart of Darkness)

Guided by the Great Spirits of Mother Night and Mighty Crow, those who call this forest of living shadows home are fiercely loyal to one common belief: nothing matters but Glomdoring.

Succinct and short. Yeah, it explains Glomdoring's basic idea. That's about it. Can someone expand on this, please? 

Hallifax (The Beacon of Harmony)

Science and artistry are the hallmarks of the floating crystal city of Hallifax. These lawful bureaucrats follow the tenets of Collectivism, a caste system that ensures the orderly pursuit of harmony and the Higher Emotions.

Yeah, we really don't follow the caste system anymore, as it tended to exclude certain player-types and roleplays. Also rather short. Could use some explanation of how we wield air and use harmonics, as well as perhaps a mention of aeonics. 

New Celest (The Resurgence of the Light)

Shining upon the shore of the Inner Sea, the holy city of New Celest stands as a symbol of light and hope for the Basin of Life. Heirs to an imperial legacy, Celest's citizens ally with the angels of Celestia and wield the cleansing power of the Water Plane to hold strong against the many forces that seek to corrupt or consume the First World.


No complaints here. Several lines, and explains their rp pretty well.

Gaudiguch (The City of Freedom)

Those who embrace the call of freedom and mystery call the desert city of Gaudiguch home. Embracing the teachings of both fleshworking and the Sacred Pyres, all is welcome should it follow the One Law.


Not bad, but also really short and not really explanatory. Please expand on this one in particular.

Serenwilde Commune (The Grace of the Moonhart)

Guided by the Great Spirits of Mother Moon and White Hart, those who call this forest home know that Serenwilde is the home of the first healed fae and the first druids. They are the First Forest, and they work to ensure that it is not the Last.

In the same boat as Gaudiguch. Not bad, but really short and has no real explanation on why someone should pick this org.

Lief

I am really glad the descriptions have been reworked! I personally think that Magnagora's and Celest's are truly stellar. Maybe the other orgs don't need more, but if I were a total newbie to the game, I'd probably be most tempted to join one of those two based solely on those descriptions.

Jolanthe

How About:

Gaudiguch (The City of Freedom)

Those who embrace the call of freedom and mystery claim the desert city of Gaudiguch as home. Championing individuality, the citizenry encourage a personal exploration of self-perceived reality, especially through celebration and excess. Those living in Gaudiguch uphold the teachings of both fleshcraft and pyromancy, though all are welcome should they follow the One Law.

Serenwilde feels harder to grapple with, honestly. Hmm.

Parhelion

Lief said:

I am really glad the descriptions have been reworked! I personally think that Magnagora's and Celest's are truly stellar. Maybe the other orgs don't need more, but if I were a total newbie to the game, I'd probably be most tempted to join one of those two based solely on those descriptions.

Absolutely in agreement with this. I feel like these two in particular would draw people in as opposed to the other four.

Jolanthe said:

How About:

Gaudiguch (The City of Freedom)

Those who embrace the call of freedom and mystery claim the desert city of Gaudiguch as home. Championing individuality, the citizenry encourage a personal exploration of self-perceived reality, especially through celebration and excess. Those living in Gaudiguch uphold the teachings of both fleshcraft and pyromancy, though all are welcome should they follow the One Law.

This, though I'd also suggest at least quoting the One Law

Parhelion

Glomdoring Commune (The Heart of Darkness)

Guided by the Great Spirits of Mother Night and Mighty Crow, those who call this forest of living shadows home are fiercely loyal to one common belief: nothing matters but Glomdoring.

Serenwilde Commune (The Grace of the Moonhart)

Guided by the Great Spirits of Mother Moon and White Hart, those who call this forest home know that Serenwilde is the home of the first healed fae and the first druids. They are the First Forest, and they work to ensure that it is not the Last.

I'd also like to respectfully point out that these look like they were copied from the same template. 

Saran

Parhelion said:

This, though I'd also suggest at least quoting the One Law

This was my first reaction too because it feels really natural in the flow of the sentence (For the live version), though when someone told me what it was it still didn't quite round it out for me?

I think Seren's one kinda says less than the old one did? And the last forest line feels like it needs more context for true newbies? (like if you ignore knowing that Glom and Seren are enemies, could also be read as Serens' job is to protect glom)

Eritheyl

Parhelion said:

Glomdoring Commune (The Heart of Darkness)

Guided by the Great Spirits of Mother Night and Mighty Crow, those who call this forest of living shadows home are fiercely loyal to one common belief: nothing matters but Glomdoring.

Serenwilde Commune (The Grace of the Moonhart)

Guided by the Great Spirits of Mother Moon and White Hart, those who call this forest home know that Serenwilde is the home of the first healed fae and the first druids. They are the First Forest, and they work to ensure that it is not the Last.

I'd also like to respectfully point out that these look like they were copied from the same template. 

It's the old commune ranks all over again. Just slap some darkness on it.

Saran

Jolanthe said:

Serenwilde feels harder to grapple with, honestly. Hmm.

Tried kinda ended up here? Still not happy though.

Mother Moon and the White Hart guide those who live within the shelter of Serenwilde, the First Forest. Seeing the wounds inflicted on the natural world, the Shelterfolk work tirelessly to heal and protect it at all costs. The sacred dead, spirits of nature, and even the land itself rise to fight alongside the folk. Brutal, Benevolent, Serene, Wild, the folk are an eclectic group that embrace and reflect the many aspects of nature.


I think the wall I hit is there's stuff to hit which is like... important but also word counts. Would maybe be easier if guilds were still in character creation because they provide more info.

Lief

If we're brainstorming, here's my quick stab at one for Serenwilde - I really like the last line of the original new one, and think it works really well if Glomdoring gets an update, too.

They say the veil is thin in the Serenwilde Forest with its solemn cairns and merry fae. Heeding the ancient wisdom of their Great Spirits Moon and White Hart, those who dwell beneath these sacred moonhart boughs know this truth. Though as diverse a people as there ever were, this commune is guided by one common cause: to protect the purity of the First Forest, and ensure that it is not the Last.

Everiine

@Lief I love that first sentence! My only objection is to the primary purpose of the commune to be to protect what we have and not lose it -- it's been said over and over that, from a gameplay perspective, this is a losing battle. I'd rather focus on the new hope provided by the Last Seed.

Lief

Everiine said:

@Lief I love that first sentence! My only objection is to the primary purpose of the commune to be to protect what we have and not lose it -- it's been said over and over that, from a gameplay perspective, this is a losing battle. I'd rather focus on the new hope provided by the Last Seed.

I agree, and I think that's what was meant in the original by ensuring it's not the Last Forest! That's definitely why I was keen to keep it in there.

Saran

Everiine said:

@Lief I love that first sentence! My only objection is to the primary purpose of the commune to be to protect what we have and not lose it -- it's been said over and over that, from a gameplay perspective, this is a losing battle. I'd rather focus on the new hope provided by the Last Seed.

Yeah, also I think what makes the Mag and Celest ones particularly good is the way they're written feels like they'd be clear to someone without any lore knowledge and they kinda hit you over the head with some things. 

So like... Last forest might be unclear to a newbie, getting to play a different kind of necromancer might be a hook. Same hitting people looking at Hallifax with air and time magic

Luce

Parhelion said:

--

Hallifax (The Beacon of Harmony)

Science and artistry are the hallmarks of the floating crystal city of Hallifax. These lawful bureaucrats follow the tenets of Collectivism, a caste system that ensures the orderly pursuit of harmony and the Higher Emotions.

Yeah, we really don't follow the caste system anymore, as it tended to exclude certain player-types and roleplays. Also rather short. Could use some explanation of how we wield air and use harmonics, as well as perhaps a mention of aeonics. 

--

We kind of do, but only for our NPCs, and I keep having to explain to people that there's quite a bit of fluidity to the castes provided the individual displays aptitude in an area they aren't currently being recognized for (ie: a Custodian of Order who shows a knack for laws and ordinances might be promoted to a Custodian of Justice, a trill servant who demonstrates an artistic eye might be commissioned as an Artist and elevated to that rank, etc.). That said.

Hallifax (The Beacon of Harmony)
Collectively dedicated to the pursuit of art, science, and the Higher Emotions of <insert these here (how was I chairman twice?)>, Hallifax sees itself as a shining bastion of reason and culture in a world gone mad. These lawful bureaucrats follow the tenets of Collectivism, a system of social stratification that ensures that each person is using his skills and talents to their fullest potential to improve the lives of all. Whether it be cleaning the crystalline city, channeling the power of the winds, organizing paperwork, or overseeing the flow of time itself, there is a place for everyone within the Commonwealth.

Is this better?

Xenthos

Here is my (probably terrible) first draft:

The shadows lie upon the Glomdoring Forest, the cold shroud of Mother Night hanging heavily over these woods.  The Murder clusters thickly amongst the dense canopy, their harsh caws accompanying the heavy, hollow beat of the Heart of Darkness which ever reverberates through the entirety of the Merciless Forest - and those who choose to serve it.  One truth is known to all who shoulder this heavy burden: Nothing Matters But Glomdoring.

Lief

I love both the Hallifax and Glomdoring drafts above. They both definitely speak to the personality and role of their orgs - both of which I think were hit right on the head with Magnagora and Celest.

Maligorn

I also want to echo that I want to see more "we freakin' control wind and time" and less "we're all lawful bureaucrats". I think Luce's draft is much better.

Neladahi

Does Hallifax lore not follow the cast system, or just the players? I think it's a good push to move away from the caste system as players, but it might be a good idea to go through and see about getting NPCs to also change their minds about it before not including it!

Alexandria

Neladahi said:

Does Hallifax lore not follow the cast system, or just the players? I think it's a good push to move away from the caste system as players, but it might be a good idea to go through and see about getting NPCs to also change their minds about it before not including it!

It's not been something that the admins have been amenable to changing in the past, and we haven't tried since the whole admin shakeup. 

Saran

Alexandria said:

Neladahi said:

Does Hallifax lore not follow the cast system, or just the players? I think it's a good push to move away from the caste system as players, but it might be a good idea to go through and see about getting NPCs to also change their minds about it before not including it!

It's not been something that the admins have been amenable to changing in the past, and we haven't tried since the whole admin shakeup. 

Just thinking about it, if castes aren't going away adding "guild paths" to hallifax's city ranks could be interesting.
(The issues when I was in Halli weren't about being lesser but just really mechanical, like caste being tied to cityrank meant not many people hit cr6 so people were doing villages with only two influence attacks)

Alexandria

Saran said:

Alexandria said:

Neladahi said:

Does Hallifax lore not follow the cast system, or just the players? I think it's a good push to move away from the caste system as players, but it might be a good idea to go through and see about getting NPCs to also change their minds about it before not including it!

It's not been something that the admins have been amenable to changing in the past, and we haven't tried since the whole admin shakeup. 

Just thinking about it, if castes aren't going away adding "guild paths" to hallifax's city ranks could be interesting.
(The issues when I was in Halli weren't about being lesser but just really mechanical, like caste being tied to cityrank meant not many people hit cr6 so people were doing villages with only two influence attacks)

We don't gate cityrank like that. We have a peerage system that was implemented to move away from it, and it's completely outdated and basically unused, especially due to lack of... well, the system being finished. At all.

Saran

Alexandria said:

Saran said:

Alexandria said:

Neladahi said:

Does Hallifax lore not follow the cast system, or just the players? I think it's a good push to move away from the caste system as players, but it might be a good idea to go through and see about getting NPCs to also change their minds about it before not including it!

It's not been something that the admins have been amenable to changing in the past, and we haven't tried since the whole admin shakeup. 

Just thinking about it, if castes aren't going away adding "guild paths" to hallifax's city ranks could be interesting.
(The issues when I was in Halli weren't about being lesser but just really mechanical, like caste being tied to cityrank meant not many people hit cr6 so people were doing villages with only two influence attacks)

We don't gate cityrank like that. We have a peerage system that was implemented to move away from it, and it's completely outdated and basically unused, especially due to lack of... well, the system being finished. At all.

Heh, as I said, it's from when I was a halli. At that point there were people who were interested in the castes, but also not being able to get favours for conflict stuff once you hit rank 4 had broader implications, I left around the time that was being dismantled. Anyway, just tangential thoughts about a way castes might have worked with modern concepts.