Are you there, Gods? It's me, Ollie

Olethea

[ I spend a LOT of time talking to Fulcruxes. Gonna post the ones I have logs for! And I'll be upkeeping this thread with future ramble-at-fulcruxes as they come!
This first, relatively short one was at @Drocilla ]

You purse your lips, contemplating a graceful bracelet of night-blooming jasmine thoughtfully.

Softly, you say, "My Lady...? I am sorry to trouble You with prayers again, as I am still without word. But, I... I can feel my path changing, again. I do not want to give up the pursuit of living a life that makes me happy, and now... You are all that ties me to my current life. The last part of it that I love."

Softly, you say, "I cannot stay in Gaudiguch any longer. The gas-lighting and childishness threatens to drive me from the realms entirely. And I cannot go back to Magnagora, whatever fond memories I have do not right the issues I have with... a few certain people that yet linger there. They have already succeded in driving me from the realms, for decades at a time and... I want to live."

Softly, you say, "I wanted to write a play for You. I wanted to create so many things for You, but my life is taking me to places that will have all of me, but will not have You. You will ever be the nearest Goddess to my heart, but if I am to move forward, I will have to leave behind the trappings of formal worship."

Softly, you say, "I hope that You can forgive me this uncertainty. You deserve better than the weak-hearted anyway. And, well... if You can't, I understand. But know that I will always love You anyway, and will always think fondly of twilight."

You have emoted: Olethea gazes quietly at Bewitching Prayer Beads of the Enchantress, taking a moment to hug them to her chest.

Softly, her voice starting to crack, you say, "And that I will miss You."

Softly, her voice starting to crack, you say, "If ever I become a person that I think You will be proud of, I will come home. but right now, I just... did not want to leave without a goodbye."

You have emoted: Olethea nibbles her lower lip for a second, before dipping deeply, silently, into a bow so low her knees, and then her forehead touch the floor. She stays like this a moment, sniffling softly, before she rises, gathers herself, and leaves without another word.

Olethea

[ The next Fulcrux visit I actually logged, because I keep forgetting to grab these... a few days later after joining the Glomdoring, involved talking to @Manteekan ]

The Fulcrux of Manteekan.

You close your eyes and inhale deeply, absorbing the scent of your surroundings.

You let loose a long breath from your lungs, exhaling slowly.

Softly, you say, "Hello, Lord Manteekan. I am back."

Softly, you say, "It's... interesting. You are not easy to find solid information on! I am presently awaiting word from Lord Eliron Shee-Slaugh and hope to have a good, proper conversation with him about You, but I find it quite curious how interesting I find this... veil."

Softly, you say, "Frankly, it's fascinating. Ah, but, I'm rambling. How are You? I wonder where Divine go, when They turn their minds from the Basin. I hope wherever it is, it is pleasant for You. Or at least... not distressing."

You say, "I wonder where You were before Glomdoring. I wonder what kept You hidden for so long, as I understand You are a new addition to their -- to our -- Divine Pantheon. Were You among the Fae? I've been told that You are so very strongly linked to the Fae, and that is why You came to us. Did You have somewhere before that You called home? Or was it nothing, and then Glomdoring?"

Softly, you say, "Did it also take You time to adjust? I know things... changed, when You came to us, though I have not found any concrete record of what shape this change took. I... do hope it wasn't painful, Lord. Or at least, I hope it is something You have come to welcome. I hope the same for myself, as I rather expect that I will also be changed."

Softly, you say, "I wonder how I will change. I suppose that's not something You would know, though, even if Your eyes were upon the Basin. It's strange, but I get the impression that it is deeply personal, somehow."

Softly, you ask, "Would You like me to tell You about myself?"

Softly, you say, "My name is Olethea - though I suppose You at least know that - and I was born, for better or worse, into the Magnagoran family of D'cente, to a womanizing hedonist and an admittedly lovely warm woman who nevertheless does not appear to have any morals outside of her own self-interest. It... was not the best situation that could be, but I did very dearly love my Lady Drocilla, and found great fulfilment in devoting myself to religion. I was a teacher for a time, but eventually the stress of my lineage, along with a few... uncomfortably forward encounters with individuals I didn't particularly care for, led me to sleep for some time."

You say, "When I woke, some forty years later, I left Magnagora. The people I didn't particularly care for were now in power, and no amount of attachment to My Lady would keep me within their grasp. I went first to Celest, but... they would want me to give up my body, and it is one of a few things I truly like about myself. And so I went to Gaudiguch, where my mother now lives, and which was, at the time, allied to the Glomdoring."

You say, "I had never before had the opportunity to visit, but shortly after my move, members of the Glomdoring invited any from the alliance who wished it to come and see a play. I have ever been terribly in love with theatre just as a concept, so I went, and I met some lovely people who I now call very dear friends - Lord Xenthos, of Shikari, and Friend Gurashi. And others, I don't know them nearly as well, but I expect I shall have plenty of opportunity to grow familiar now."

You say, "Despite my move, I retained my place in my Lady's Order, but She began to ignore me. She doesn't particularly favour those who stray beyond Magnagora's borders. Ahm... I don't believe I fit in well, there. It is much more wild than my own persuasion and I never was one for substance abuse, particularly. Still, I enjoyed living near my mother again, and I enjoyed being free to wander the Dark Wood."

You purse your lips pensively, gazing off into the distance as you carefully gather your thoughts.

You say, "But then Gaudiguch severed ties with Glomdoring. In a span of just three short months of lies we went from what was really a very happy arrangement, in which Gaudiguch took the lion's share of everything we worked together to win to... falling in with Magnagora, Serenwilde, and Hallifax of all Cities. A few scant months after that, and a referendum so quick I missed it, and that 'no longer allied' status was switched to formal hostility. All the while, stories of the Glomdoring's treachery spread from the Sultan's own mouth, despite a lack of substantiation in practice. A single incident of a member of the Glomdoring messing up the timing of a Citymate's attempt to become Enlightened was blown terribly out of proportion and dragged across the coals as indicative of Glomdoring's selfishness."

You say, "The City wasn't even asked if it wanted to sever ties, it was told that the severence was happening - and the referendum on the Political relationship was only offered after the fact, with two separate options of hostility presented to allow an outweigh of neutrality."

You run a hand through your fiery mane dripping red-gold embers, stroking the tresses and tucking a lock back into place.

You say, "...I relayed as much as I could, but the Sultan began to grow suspicious and, as the relationship worsened, it began to cause me very much pain to hear my new friends called such monstrous things. Certainly, the forest can be a violent, terrible and unforgiving place with little care for the injury of those who do nothing to defend themselves, but they had been nothing but supportive of us when we were people that they stood beside in battle, and to hear it spread that they were anything but..."

You say, "Eventually I spoke to Gurashi of...perhaps moving. My one reservation was my Faith. My Lady had been my only constant in life - but Her Silence since my departure from Magnagora was deafening. Still, it... was not easy to say goodbye. I got somewhat emotional."

You say, "Gurashi told me of the Gods of Glomdoring and... as much as he knew of You. Your unique position of having come to the Glomdoring from elsewhere struck a chord with me. And that is why, devoid of patron, I now stand here to talk to You."

You say, "...I do hope that I someday get to meet you. I have more hope for finding happiness in the Glomdoring than I have in my ill-fit among the Cities; I admit I am a strange sight among the trees. Viscanti, flaming red hair, particularly ostentatious attire. But the people have been nothing but kind."

You say, "They want to see me grow, so that I can help the Glomdoring grow, and... I find myself increasingly more comfortable with that."

Softly, you say, "Everyone who was awake at the time came to welcome me home. I had never been so warmly received in my waking life."

You purse your lips pensively, gazing off into the distance as you carefully gather your thoughts.

You say, "...Again, I do hope that You are well. And if You can hear me, my chatter is not... distracting or unpleasant. Faith has always been a big part of my life, and it is a great comfort to find Someone to Whom I can rededicate my own."

Softly, you say, "Safest travels, My Lord, and may You return triumphant, wonderous, and terrible."

Olethea

[ Last one I have record of! Today, I went and talked to @Nocht rather than Manteekan like I tend to ]

You reach out and gently brush your hand against a delicate veil of shadows. Your senses suddenly dull as you feel yourself pulled into the entrancing darkness. As your senses return, you find yourself beneath a beautiful night sky.

You purse your lips, deep in thought.
You curtsey gracefully.

Softly, you say, "Hello, Lord of Dark and Silence and Mystery..."

You say, "Do You talk to people? Or just to people who are Yours? Friend Gurashi speaks of You sometimes, but friend Esei says it's been some time."

Softly, you say, "Lady Haruspex says the... indelible inscrutiability is... neither surprise nor unintended."

You purse your lips, deep in thought.

Softly, you say, "I have questions. I suppose, a lot of people must, mustn't they?"

You tilt your head back and look up at the sky.

You say, "...Do You watch our rites?"

You say, "I imagine You must hear. You are nearer than the Lord Nightmare, with Whom I usually share my thoughts.... Though I have no scope for it, I do admit. What does 'nearer' entail...? Or further?"

You tilt your head back and look up at the sky.

You think to yourself: ......Divine .....

Softly, you say, "Friend Gurashi seems to speak to all of You rather a lot. I don't think I've met a single person who knows more of You than he."

You crease your brow in a frown.

Softly, you ask, "Do Gods get lonesome?"
Softly, you ask, "Do You ever ache? Or are You beyond such acute pains...?"

Softly, you say, "I do not know which scares me more. That You are all subject to the same whims of the heart as we, who look up to You for guidance.... or that You have never known such pains at all, and watch us as flighty, alien curiosities."

You think to yourself: .... Friends.....

Softly, you say, "I suppose either way, I remain... entranced, enchanted, and terrified of the Gods."

You run a hand through your fiery mane dripping red-gold embers, stroking the tresses and tucking a lock back into place.

Softly, you ask, "What -do- You see in the First World?"

Softly, you say, "I never really understood, I don't think, what it is about petty, mundane mortal lives commands the attentions of Beings that could be anyone, anything They desired, anytime They liked... that see multitudes beyond our lives."

Softly, you say, "It is beyond flattering, but do You also see how it is beyond terrifying?"

Softly, you say, "I suppose it's not something for me to understand, much as I wish it to be."

You run a hand through your fiery mane dripping red-gold embers, stroking the tresses and tucking a lock back into place.
You tilt your head back and look up at the sky.

Softly, you ask, "Whatever the reason, I suppose... thank You. You all do so much for us, and... nothing that we do will ever amount to thanks enough, I don't think. Inclined as I am to try, regardless. What do You all even... like? Theatre? Rite and Ritual? Beautiful things, like paintings and books, or... something beyond my fathoming?"

Softly, you say, "Perhaps all of it. Or perhaps none of it."

You let loose a long breath from your lungs, exhaling slowly.

Softly, you say, "Equally frightening, I think.... is just what I would be willing to do for answers. There is little that comes to mind that is too much to ask for understanding. But the stars are silent; and all I have are questions."

Softly, you say, "Perhaps that's best."

With a soft chuckle, you say, "I am sorry, Lord of Silence, Dark and Night. He Who Whispers, Watches, and never tells. This became somewhat more introspective than I had intended when  I first made up my mind to visit. I simply wanted to know that... You were there. I hoped for good news to bring back to friend Esei."

Softly, you say, "I find myself beguiled by what it means to be Divine, again, and that is a thought that I have never been able to resist pursuing."

Softly, you say, "I do hope that You are.... recovering. That You will return, triumphant. That You will bring good news, that we yet continue to please You and Your inscrutable whims. I hope that You are listening, even if You do not speak."

Softly, you say, "And I hope that the Silence You embody is a pleasant one."

You tilt your head back and look up at the sky.
You curtsey gracefully.

Olethea

[We're back at it again, this time chatting at @Shikari - I'm probably more long-winded than He cares for but it's fine, everything's fine.]

The Fulcrux of Shikari.

Darkness enfolds the edges of this cave-like area, surrounding a roaring campfire with which it fights a constant battle for territory, its misty black tendrils darting inwards only to be banished once more by a flicker of flame. Around the fire, bleached bones and dessicated corpses of strange beasts and long-dead mortals are pushed towards the edges of the light as if in silent offering to the darkness. Perhaps it is only an illusion, but an eerie sense of something moving and watching from within the black depths is constantly present, its threat a palpable presence in the room. The orange tongues of a crackling fire dance eerily here within a circle of rocks and blackened bone. A pool of pure blackness sits in the centre of a rough rock cradle. An adolescent worg with elegant black wings is here, gazing about curiously.

Softly, you say, "Dark Tidings to You, Lord Predator. I know that You are... wandering, but I wanted to say hello."

You think to yourself: .... Comfort...

Dipping into a low curtsey, Olethea toys with the material of her skirt, before she lifts her gaze to the fire. "I... wanted to introduce myself. Ahm... I've been spending a lot of time in the Proving Grounds, as of late." She scratches her cheek, lightly. "I can't really explain why I like them, but I do."

You say, "Um.. my name is Olethea. I live in the Glomdoring now, though it took some time to find my way there. It's been some time since I was in a position of formal worship, so... I hope I do not disappoint."

Softly, you say, "I'd really like to meet You someday. Fang Xenthos doesn't speak much, but his tone when he refers to You is.. wistful, and fond. In a very straightforward and blunt sort of way. He told me it didn't matter I'm not the best at killing, as long as I'm decisive..."

You run a hand through your cascading, fiery red curls, stroking the tresses and tucking a lock back into place.

You say, "The truth is, I'm still figuring out what I want, my life has been a series of assumptions proven wrong, time and time again, and I was hoping that being part of Your pack could help with direction, with purpose. Every time I thought I knew what I'd wanted in the past, someone seemed determined to prove me wrong."

You tilt your head back and look up at the sky.

You ask, "...Do Gods have answers, really? Is that something You can do? Or is all that we can ask of You a compass bearing while we draw our own maps?"

You close your eyes and inhale deeply, absorbing the scent of your surroundings.
You let loose a long breath from your lungs, exhaling slowly.

Softly, you say, "But I do like that You at least seem to... understand. You seem much less far away, much less insubstantial ... I don't actually know what I'm talking about, if I'm going to be honest with You. I just grew attached to Your realm, enough that I wanted to learn more about You."

You think to yourself: .... Questions .....

You say, "I still don't know what Divine like. I asked the Lord Silence, once, You know, but He wound up being Quiet on the subject. I suppose that's to be expected, though. I can't expect something to be handed to me just because I've asked."

Olethea chuckles faintly, tilting her head to one side. "And I suppose that is His Name."

You run a hand through your cascading, fiery red curls, stroking the tresses and tucking a lock back into place.

You say, "I will do my best to learn well, Lord Predator. It is not as grand a goal as I might have aspired in the past, but it is one that I am confident I can accomplish. And maybe right now... that's the point."

You say, "I will try to grow so that when You return to the Glomdoring, I can meet You as someone who actually knows who she is."

You curtsey gracefully.

You say, "Safe travels, my Lord."

You wade into a pool, and slowly sink within its depths, before surfacing from an identical pool in another place, gasping for air.

Olethea

[ Hoo, it's been a while. Don't know what it is about @Nocht - visiting his fulcrux in particular prompts all sort of existential word vomits about the nature of Gods and Mortality. I do not know why. ]

The Fulcrux of Nocht.
A complex series of stones orbit around a stygian orb here.
You see a single exit leading through an image of the night sky.

You reach out through your bond with your beast and dismiss him, sending him back to the stables.
A dark violet rage worg with elegant black wings bobs his head several times just before trotting off.

You have emoted: Quietly sending off her worg, Olethea murmurs, "Go on, now..."

The image above wavers and ripples gently as a cold breeze howls through the fulcrux.

You tilt your head back and look up at the sky.
You close your eyes and inhale deeply, absorbing the scent of your surroundings.
You let loose a long breath from your lungs, exhaling slowly.

You say, "Lord Nocht, God of Silence, and Secrets, and Dark... Mm, that's a familiar greeting, hum?"

The boughs of the large blackthorn moan loudly as they shake, sending a new shower of petals cascading across the fulcrux.

You say, "It's been some time, since I've sat here, and rambled at You for far longer than is prudent to bend the ear of a Deity of the Quiet...."

The image of the night sky grows terrifyingly dark as an icy breeze cuts across the lonely hill, spiralling patterns dancing across the tall grass.

You say, "... I spoke to Your Esei, this month. They said... You love the curiosity of us. I'm not actually sure that 'love' was the word they used, but... I told them I had asked long ago, what drew Divine eyes to the First World."

You think to yourself: Curious.....

You say, "They said... that You liked the Mortal inclination towards curiosity, at any rate. They spoke a bit of their own curiosity when it came to others. That they liked to see what it took to make someone break."

You run a hand through your cascading, fiery red curls, stroking the tresses and tucking a lock back into place.

Thoughtfully, you say, "They said.... they do this because they are not Wyrden. And if they are not Wyrden, they are enemies. I understand that the Forest has a long and storied history of being... beset upon. Misunderstood, and violently so. Even so..."

Quietly, you ask, "I cannot shake the feeling that this is going to harm the Glomdoring. Is that my call to make, though? Is it theirs, to decide their curiosity supercedes the potential for new Wyrdenkin? Does that torment, in fact, actually reduce these chances....?"

You think to yourself: ... Worried.....

You ask, "Or maybe I'm just overthinking things. You know, I'm not really sure why I'm bringing this to You?"

You say, "You have an air about You, I suppose. That You know things. And the one time You deigned to speak to me, You were kind. I suppose the last time I was here, I went on an existential thought-path about the nature of Divine Loneliness, so this is vaguely par for the course."

You close your eyes and inhale deeply, absorbing the scent of your surroundings.
You let loose a long breath from your lungs, exhaling slowly.

Quietly, you say, "Starting over, I think..."

The image above wavers and ripples gently as a cold breeze howls through the fulcrux.

You say, "Esei said.... You are intrigued by our curiosity. But are lines ever drawn, where our curiosity may cause harm to ourselves, or to the Wyrd? Or... is it all up to us, in the end?"

You have emoted: Closing her eyes with a faint chuckle, Olethea muses, "Everything I talk to You about is... whichever answer is true, whether the Divine meddle or are content to watch us fall.... Whether You have known loneliness, or if mortal emotion is an alien concept that fascinates You.... These questions fascinate and terrify me."

You look thoughtful and say, "And yet I feel compelled to ask."

You have emoted: "And I have," Olethea laughs, softly, at her realized and un-intended pun, "No Godly idea why."

You close your eyes and inhale deeply, absorbing the scent of your surroundings.
You let loose a long breath from your lungs, exhaling slowly.

Her voice soft and earnest, you say, "But thank You for listening, Lord of Silence, of Mystery, of Secrets, of the Dark."

You say, "I'm not sure what it is about coming here; but You're very easy to talk to."

You have emoted: Gathering the skirts of a dark, hazy gown of smoke and shadow into her hands, Olethea dips into a low and formal curtsey before the master shrine of Nocht, her eyes lowered reverently as she backs out of the fulcrux.