A Saga of Muffins: Part 2!

Iari

Some background:

A while ago Iari was begged into eating a talking muffin, by the muffin itself. This muffin, (after producing muffled screams from inside her stomach) began to haunt her, accuse her of murder, threaten revenge against her, and eventually called its friends to rain down on her head.

Needless to say, this has lead her to distrust muffins, and to develop a suspicion that they are both evil, and up to no good.

And so we come to A Saga of Muffins: Part 2

Enjoy!

--The scene fades up: Iari stands patiently, waiting for Ixchilgal to finish piercing Silea, who has asked for new clothes to be made. As she waits, a box given to her during a celebration begins to misbehave…--

Silea, Mistress of Malt asks, "Can you make pretty jewelry?"


A faint rattling shakes a pretty box of seashells, the faint noise quickly fading as fast as it arrived.


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "We can make jewelery, yes. Pretty is a matter of perspective."


You say, "Is...is there something in this box?"


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "I'll have to bug you later."


With your mighty index finger extended, you poke a pretty box of seashells.


Silea nods her head emphatically.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Golden tonic."


Ixchilgal shrugs helplessly.


p box
This box is simple and pretty in design. Crafted first of sun bleachedwood, seashells have been used to decorate the lid and sides. Inside, smooth silk lines the interior, dyed to a creamy white colour. Seashells and silver have been cleverly used to secure the lid to the box, leaving room in the front for a lock and key.
It has 21 months of usefulness left.
It weighs about 2 pounds and 0 ounce(s).
It bears the distinctive mark of Saoirse Kissane-McCloud.
It has been stamped with the seal of The Seatimber Artisan Cartel.
It is closed and you can not see inside of it.

Silea takes a small bottle made from sea glass from a pretty box of seashells.

look in box
A pretty box of seashells is holding:
"bottle198861" a small bottle made from sea glass
"cookie239370" a huge divine cookie
"figurine239243" a blank figurine
"bottle239297" a bottle of sparkling blue Argleblaster
"muffin69579" a spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffin
5 items found.

Silea takes a huge divine cookie from a pretty box of seashells.


You say, "Woooooah."


You say, "Stuff!"


You close a pretty box of seashells.


Silea nods her head sagely.

You slip into a jaunty Grand Monger's coat of vivid scarlet.


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Anything else y'all need, then?"


Silea gives a huge divine cookie to you.


You squint suspiciously at your surroundings.


You say, "Don't tell Subotai I'm wearing his coat."


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Also, why are those robes being gotten rid of?"


You give a huge divine cookie to Silea, Mistress of Malt.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Changing my outfit."


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Ah."


Faint whispers can be heard from within a pretty box of seashells which say, "Eat me, Iari, eat me."


You squint suspiciously at your surroundings.

Silea begins to follow you.


Silea grabs you boldly by the arm as she points towards the horizon and declares in a proud tone, "Onward!"

To the box in her hands, you say, "No! I'm not falling for that again, evil baked goods!"


Ixchilgal brandishes a violin of insanity menacingly.

Ixchilgal points a violin of insanity at Silea.


Silea, Mistress of Malt asks, "You're a bard?"


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Sometimes."


Silea, Mistress of Malt asks, "Good bard?"


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "That's open for debate."


Iari shakes the seashell box vigorously. "Do you hear me, nasty plotting muffin! You're not tricking me into eating you again, and cursing me with muffin doom!"


"Ummmm," Silea says uncertainly.


Silea, Mistress of Malt whispers to you, "Clothes."

Whispers turn to a louder roar as the voice continues, "Eat me, Iari, eat me!!"


With an exasperated sigh, you say to Silea, "One moment, I'm threatening a muffin in a box!"

Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says to Silea, "It's easier if you just nod and smile."

Silea nods and smiles as instructed.


Loudly, you say, "Never! No matter how juicy your cranberries, or pumpkin-y your pumpkin, I'm not going to have you threatening me from inside my own stomach again!"


The lid of a pretty box of seashells begins to rattle within Iari's hands as it shakes furiously, barely able to contain the contents within.


Silea puts a soot-blackened tinderbox into a pretty box of seashells.


Silea ceases to wield a smoky lyre of riotous ragtime in her left hand.

Suddenly the rattling stops, and silence fills the air.


"Oh no you don't!" Iari cries, clamping her hands tightly around the box. "You're not coming out to tempt me with your deliciousness!"


Silea gives a sheet of schematic blueprint stationery to Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin.


Silea extends a festive spyglass of polished wood and steel and places her eye to it to look through it. A smile slowly spreads across her face as if in raptured wonder.

Silea turns the lens at the end of a festive spyglass of polished wood and steel, causing the glass bits within to clink about.

Silea extends a festive spyglass of polished wood and steel and places her eye to it to look through it. A smile slowly spreads across her face as if in raptured wonder.


Silea opens a small bottle made from sea glass.
Pulling the cork from the bottle in her hands, Silea tips it into her palm, shaking out the tiny coil of vellum amidst a tumble of sand. Excitedly, she unfurls the parchment to read the message within.


Silea leaves to the east.

Silea arrives from the east.


Silea begins to follow you.


The silence is suddenly broken by a downpour of muffins from the emptiness above, each landing with a stifled plop before you.


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says to Silea, "Lost?"


Iari tentatively cracks the top of the seashell box, peering into its depths suspiciously. "Are y- Aaah! Not again".

Jewelry Shop.
In the centre of the jewellery shop is a workbench with all the tools necessary for jewellers to create their wares. There are 10 spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffins here. Nightmarish waves of bizarre hues flow from the massive wings of a maddened dreameater moth as it soars here. Silea, Mistress of Malt is here.
You see a single exit leading east (open door).


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Sas doing sxmee heavd drinking."


You flail about helplessly.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Wass doing somme heavyy dzinking."


You say, "Muuuuuuuffins!"


Iari’s arms fly over her head to protect herself from the sudden baked downpour.


Looking uncertain, Silea nudges a spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffin with her foot.

Ixchilgal drops a mechanical dirigible.
A mechanical dirigible whistles and cheerfully offers several mechanical chirps as it bounces up and down on currents of air, puttering in lazy circles.


Ixchilgal gives a capricious Mysraian font of voidcopper and ivory to a mechanical dirigible.

A mechanical dirigible takes a capricious Mysraian font of voidcopper and ivory from Ixchilgal, grasping it delicately in its metallic claw.


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Deliver to Alary."
A mechanical dirigible bobs up and down in the air as it offers a loud whir and hum and a single mechanical chirp. After a brief moment the humming intensifies as it slowly putters off.


Silea picks up 10 spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffins.


A mechanical dirigible bobs up and down as it drifts in on the natural currents of air, chirping asif happy.


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Dock."
A mechanical dirigible whirs and whistles affirmatively as it slowly turns and then putters into Ixchilgal's hands.


Silea begins to wield a spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffin in her left hand.


Silea points a spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffin at you.


Silea drops 9 spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffins.


Solemnly, you say to Silea, "This is what happens you upset the muffins."


Silea, Mistress of Malt asks, "...they rain from the sKies?"


Silea, Mistress of Malt looks thoughtful and says, "MaYbe I should Eat theM allL."


Silea ponders a spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffin thoughtfully, looking it up and down.


You look skeptical and say to a spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffin, "Are you just going to complain and threaten again if I do?"


Turning their attention towards Silea, the muffins chant, "Yes, eat us!"

Silea tentatively sticks out her tongue and licks a spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffin.


You say to Silea, "No, wait. That's a trick!"


You exclaim, "They're trying to trick you!"

You move to stand before Silea, valiantly shielding her from harm.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "It's not everYday You *hic* get asked to eAt food zy the food!"

Silea picks up 9 spiced pumpkin and cranberry muffins.



--Before she can be stopped, Silea devours all ten muffins!--

You say to Silea, "Don't fall for it! Next they'll be accusing you of murder! And their ghosts hau- Noooooooo!"

You flail about helplessly.


You say, "Doooooom."


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "I dor't think I can eat any moje."

Sadly, you say, "You ate ten of them. That's ten evil muffin spirits haunting you."


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Ii'll be fiiiiiiiine."


Looking downtrodden, you sadly shake your head.


"Yep," you sigh, "We're dead."

Stifled cries ring out from within Silea's belly, crying out, "Victory!"


Silea, Mistress of Malt exclaims, "I am now dhe *hic* MisTress op Muftinns!"

Throwing her hands in the air, Silea tosses her head back and laughs sadistically.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "MIstress of Mufffinss."

Silea nods her head sagely.

Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Sounds very dominatrixy."

Shaking a fist towards Silea's stomach, you say, "You've won this round evil baked things."


Suddenly, Silea's midsection begins to bloat, and she slowly starts to hover further and further off of the ground.


You flail about helplessly.

Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Nssoo."


You say, "Oh no you don't!"


Silea, Mistress of Malt exclaims, "Iari! HelllllpppP!"


"I told you not to eat them!" Iari Damascene wails, grabbing at Silea's ankles in a desperate attempt to pull her back to the ground.


Silea is ripped from your location by an unseen force.

You run around madly, flapping your arms in a blind panic.


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Pretty sure she's at Crumkindivia now."

Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Was good knowing her."


Message #3098 sent by Silea
IIIIIAAAAARRRRRIIIIII!!!

You sent the following message to Silea: Nooooo! I'll save you! Where are yooooou?


Boldly, you say, "I must save her from muffiny doom!"

Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "The top of a tower of gum."


Message #3099 sent by Silea
Crumkindivia! Help! THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME A BRIDE!!!


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Sounds like Crumkindivia to us."


(Gaudiguch): You say, "Friends! I need a way to Crumkindivia, quick!"


A mane of fur appears under your hand as Pestilence, the Wyrden Wolf arrives, dropping a large, castle-shaped cookie before you. With the task finished Pestilence, the Wyrden Wolf disappears in an explosion of smoke.

(Gaudiguch): You say, "Thank you!"


--Dashing valiantly to Crumkindivia, and teleporting to Silea, our intrepid, would-be hero arrives at...--

Top of the tower of gum.
Banks of clouds roil about here. The Muffin Man stands stoically here, hands clasped behind his back.Doughboy stands here, fidgeting and hopping from foot to foot. There are 2 delicious gingerbread men here. Silea, Mistress of Malt is here.
You see a single exit leading down.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Here she ik now!"


Boldly, you say, "I'm here to rescue you!"

You move to stand before Silea, valiantly shielding her from harm.


Doughboy says, "She is my bride, not yours."

p doughboy
Doughboy is a strange creature made entirely of raw dough. Though only about as tall as a dwarf at rest, he can stretch his neck to make himself as tall as a human. He is covered in white flour, and leaves white handprints on whatever he touches and white footprints wherever he walks. His face is scrunched up so the mouth and eyes are but pits within the fold of his dough. The expression on his face is perpetually set in a vacuous grin.
Doughboy appears to be extraordinarily strong.

He weighs about 62 pounds.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Hey! I just wanted A snack, I didn't agree to this."


Wings of phoenix fire flare up to encircle you in a sudden inferno of forked flames, strangely leaving you unharmed as they extinguish with a sharp gasp of smoke.

You look thoughtful and say to Doughboy, "I'm rather certain she needs to agree to be your bride."


Doughboy says, "The Muffin Man said my bride would eat his muffins. Muffins she ate, my bride she is."


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Not fair!"


Doughboy says, "You shouldn't have eaten muffins."


You say to Doughboy, "That's what -I- said!"

You perk your ears up as an errant topic catches your interest.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "I dIdn't know that I was goiiaz to have to marry you for iw!"

You cough softly.

You say, "Ahem. I mean-."


You look thoughtful and say to Doughboy, "Maybe the Muffin Man can make you a bride?"

Doughboy says, "Nobody will ever love me."

Tears fill Doughboy's eyes and begin to slowly run down his face.


"Awwwww!" you say.


You hug Doughboy compassionately.

Soothingly, you say to Doughboy, "There, there. Don't cry. I'm certain that's not true."


Silea creases her brow in a frown.


You whisper to Doughboy, "And I'm an Illuminatus, we know -everything-."


You look thoughtful and say, "You just need to find the right person. Or pastry."

Silea, Mistress of Malt smiles and says to Doughboy, "I meaaaan maybze if I was doughy I woUld! But you should look for someone like you."

Doughboy says, "Is there someone else like me?"

Doughboy says, "Is she purty?"


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Iunno."


Deep in thought, you lean your cheek on your hand.


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Wai *hic* t.. yes."

Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "She is!"


Doughboy says, "Muffin Man, promise you will help me?"


Doughboy says, "I do suppose we could arrange for something. But it will take some time."

Silea tells you, "Maybe...we should dash?"

The Muffin Man says, "Yes, Doughboy, we can."


The Muffin Man says, "In time."

Silea looks up at you curiously.


You tell Silea, Mistress of Malt, "Aww, no. He's sweet. Just...sort of misguided. And kidnappy."


Silea begins to follow you.


Silea bursts into a fit of giggles, ending with an abrupt and surprising snort.


The Muffin Man steps behind the Doughboy and shakes his head at you, mouthing "I cannot."


You glance askance.


Silea hides a grin behind her hand.



You say, "Umm..."


Mistress of Malt whispers to the Muffin Man, "Our secret."


Silea winks knowingly.

Hesitantly, you say to Doughboy, "Uhh...maybe..."

Doughboy exclaims, "Okay, yay!"


You say, "Pray to Lord Crumkane? He can make all sorts of things?"


Doughboy exclaims, "Bye bye then! You were good bride!"

"Shh!" Silea says to you, putting a finger to her lips.

Doughboy says, "I am sorry you can not have me for husband."


You wrap a comforting arm around Silea.

Doughboy says, "I have better bride coming."



Silea, Mistress of Malt smiles and says, "Me too Doughboyy."


Silea leans close to Doughboy and gently lays a kiss upon his forehead.

You give Doughboy a peck on the cheek.

Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "Besht of luck!"


Doughboy waves goodbye.

The Muffin Man winks knowingly.


You whisper to the Muffin Man, "Let me know if you need help with that 'project'"

You nod your head sagely.

You say, "Farewell, Crumkindivians!"

The Muffin Man nods and smiles.


With a flourish of his arm, the Muffin Man bows deeply.


You curtsey gracefully.

--With Doughboy placated, the wedding stopped, and Silea saved, our heroes return to the Basin of Life, and to the Eternal Flame of Gaudiguch--

You say to Silea, "I -told- you!"

You say, "Muffins. Evil!"


A cloud of rainbow smoke drifts in from the up, heady layers swirling upwards before condensing into Ixchilgal.


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says to you, "All better?"

Silea, Mistress of Malt exclaims, "I nearly got marrried!"


Silea flails about helplessly.

You look skeptical and say to Ixchilgal, "-Someone- almost ended up married to Doughboy."

Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "He's not such a bad fellow."


Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "He's short and kidnappy."

Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "At least you won't hold any illusions about his future....physique."


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "We're short and kidnappy."


Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "You still talk to us."

Silea, Mistress of Malt says, "You have never kidnapped me and tried to wed me!"

Ixchilgal Mes'ard, Better Warrior Than Shuyin says, "Yet."


Silea rubs her chin thoughtfully, raises her eyebrow and says, "I see..."

--Crises averted, and everyone returned home safe and sound, we fade to black. All is right with the world once again--

Doughboy licks you.


--Or is it?--

Tarkenton

Things like this make me regret that Tark no longer gets to be exposed to Iari's particular brand of insightful insanity, which you, the person behind Iari, always pull off extremely well.

Iari

Tarkenton said:

Things like this make me regret that Tark no longer gets to be exposed to Iari's particular brand of insightful insanity, which you, the person behind Iari, always pull off extremely well.

Come baaaaaack to us.

Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. We have talking muffins.

You know you want to.

Tarkenton

Sorry, prior commitments

Besides, I wasn't any good at wrapping my head around that Illuminati stuff anyways

Iari

Tarkenton said:

Sorry, prior commitments

Besides, I wasn't any good at wrapping my head around that Illuminati stuff anyways

You can't escape. You're only delaying the inevitable!

:P

Shaddus

I for one welcome our Muffin Overlords