The worst ads that market hasn't seen yet

Tarkenton

Was talking about this with someone, and started trying to come up with horrible, horrible market channel ads.  So, terrible people of the internet, let's see what else all of you can come up with?  I'll lead off.

"You, naked.  Me, running my hands over your body.  Tattooist for hire."

Eritheyl

I think at least 75% of the drivel that goes on over market is already bad enough, tbh.

Tarkenton

So let's at least make it fun!  And sexy!  Or just creepy!

Ssaliss

I wonder if I have my old market ads somewhere... They were pretty bad. Or awesome. Or something.

Haezon

"Learn to work with plays instead of playing with yourself!"

"Peace on? Peace off! Your guide to diplomacy"

Drakius

I want a Gaudi monk guild now That is my future ad

Ssaliss

Found a couple of my old ones, at least:

Always falling asleep? Then sleep-walk over to the Wyrden Blessing and get some choleric! Ad 21.
Busy in politics and getting tired of all the mud-slinging? A cleanse enchantment will wash it right off! Ad 21.
Do you seem to burn faster in the sun than usual? You might need some liniment! Ad 21. Taking care of your skin.
Dropped the baby on its head? Rub some regeneration on it, and no one will know! Ad 21 to see where to get some.
Got a nasty cough? Rub some melancholic in, and you're good to go! Ad 21 will tell you where to get it.
Got a tight throat? Smoker, but you can't seem to smoke any more? Melancholic is the answer to your problems! Ad 21.
Got scabies? Then stay away from my shop and ask someone else to go there to buy some liniment for you! Ad 21.
Guards got you depressed? I've got bromides to soothe that ego! Ad 21, also for those with a huge ego!
Seeing red? Head hurts? You've probably got a furrowed brow. Sanguine will take care of that! Ad 21.
Shofangi got your tongue? Time to regenerate it! Ad 21 to see your closest place to get it.
Time running too fast? Some Phlegmatic will solve your scheduling problems! Ad 21 for more information.
Took your theatre director a bit too seriously? I've got mending for that broken leg! Ad 21 to see where to hobble.