My joke about being trans* and talking about the software not matching the hardware seems less and less like a joke these days, and more and more of an awful truth I can no longer ignore. I hate my body, I hate parts of it all of the time, and other parts only some of the time. I know this is dysphoria, and I do what I can, but it's hard. I meet other people, LGBT+ or trans* and I suddenly feel like I'm not enough, like I'm not trans* enough, like I'm not good enough. I want to go out, and I want to date people, I want to have relationships, but being both aromantic and asexual means I feel incredibly inadequate. I love people, but romance is something I'll never have, or never understand. Some days ... it just hits harder than others. Other days I can look at myself in the mirror and be at least a little okay.
Mysrai, the Beckoner Beyond the Maze intones, "Continue to manifest the paradigm of working, My Alary."
The Divine voice of Camus the Cinderfly echoes in your head, "Thank you, once-body. I am happy that I fell into that eye."
Edit: You know what? Never mind that, I don't need to be that much of a dick.
Best of luck.
come2mag
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SylandraJoin Queue for Mafia GamesThe Last Mafia Game
Tuesday's are my busy days and they start really early. To make matters worse I've been really cutting corners on sleep while working on a big project. So I came home at 6 today and, oops, crashed instantly. Roughly five hours later I am awake and confused by whatever weird sleep schedule I've fallen into. Do I just go back to sleep? Do I make dinner? It's the middle of the night! So disoriented.
"Oh yeah, you're a naughty mayor, aren't you? Misfile that Form MA631-D. Comptroller Shevat's got a nice gemstone disc for you, but yer gonna have to beg for it."
I don't want to depress you or anything, but if you ask me, your issues with dating culture are pretty pervasive and transcend the gay community quite handily. They are reflective of big-city life in particular, so I wouldn't bank on it being better in Chicago or anywhere else that has so many people moving in and out of it.
If you can find some time for it, I would strongly recommend researching your local charities, shelters, and food banks, and getting into some volunteer work in your spare time. I've met tons of people I'd never have met otherwise in my volunteering, and as far as finding friends goes it avoids all the complications of relying on your place of work for socialisation. Volunteering also tends to sift you away from the types you might be disinclined from in bars/clubs/etc. If you find a cause that really clicks with you, then it can help you find people who share that interest.
Someone seriously just out of the blue messaged me on Facebook and asked me if I was "sure" I was bisexual, because they usually see me dating men and they think I should just call myself straight instead. I mean. What. First of all, most of the girls I've been into don't like women, so I don't get to date them; c'est la vie. Second of all, how about you mind your own damn business? I didn't realize I had to split my relationships 50/50 between genders to satisfy some high school acquaintance's requirements for what they think a bisexual person has to be like. Who just randomly starts interrogating someone they haven't spoken to directly in years about the veracity of their sexual orientation?? And why are they even paying that much attention to my dating history? Seriously.
@Phoebus It's a 'favorite pastime" of some people to judge and comment on others sexual preferences and identity because it falls out of what 'they' can grasp in their mind or whatnot. I wouldn't even waste time on that kind of person if I were you, because it's the most narrow minded thing to do and it really speaks bunches for ( or really rather against ) someone to react that way.
@Phoebus It's a 'favorite pastime" of some people to judge and comment on others sexual preferences and identity because it falls out of what 'they' can grasp in their mind or whatnot. I wouldn't even waste time on that kind of person if I were you, because it's the most narrow minded thing to do and it really speaks bunches for ( or really rather against ) someone to react that way.
Yeah, I blocked the heck out of them. There's no point trying to have a conversation with someone who's gonna be like that. I was just really stunned by it.
So, after months of unemployment due to the oil and cattle industry crashing and mass unemployment going on I found work again... only to lose it a week later...
Company: 2 of our contractors quit, we are filling one position. Do you want the job? Me: Damn rights I do, I have over 25 years experience to bring to the table, let's get this going. Company a week later: Sorry, we have to lay you off. We are not getting the estimated work orders coming in and until such time as we do we cannot justify paying you to sit on call. Me: FML.
The County Board of Commissioners is, once again (they already tried to do this in July), trying to impose public kennel restrictions to the place I got my dog from - a non-profit organization that isn't governed by their laws. Having to get in line with what they're trying to require is going to cost THOUSANDS of dollars that could go toward training more dogs to help people, as well as move the dogs out into the center of the property where there aren't any shade trees. We live in Florida - what little cover you can get from the sun matters, especially to a bunch of German Shepherds with thick coats, many of which are primarily black.
There's a meeting about it tonight and another in two weeks. So I get to go give a speech again - I get to go talk to a room full of strangers about my personal problems and how the organization helped me and how fulfilling these requirements would hurt the organization. Everyone just LOVES giving speeches about their emotional issues, right?
Not looking forward to this at all, especially because I have a really bad feeling that it's not going to have an effect on the results this time.
So, after months of unemployment due to the oil and cattle industry crashing and mass unemployment going on I found work again... only to lose it a week later...
Company: 2 of our contractors quit, we are filling one position. Do you want the job? Me: Damn rights I do, I have over 25 years experience to bring to the table, let's get this going. Company a week later: Sorry, we have to lay you off. We are not getting the estimated work orders coming in and until such time as we do we cannot justify paying you to sit on call. Me: FML.
Can you run a bead? Do heights not bother you? Ironworkers Union have a good bit of work right now, and it's picking up more steam.
If you're a damn good welder, you could also check out the Pipefitters Union. Please leave the cockiness at the door.
With that said, the best of luck to you in your job search, friend.
Edit: My own personal dissatisfaction: my kidneys have been hurting all damn day, because of my increased caffeine and coffee intake to keep up with my now-bustling work-drive-school-sleep schedule. Guess I need to start drinking water before I develop god awful kidney stones and have to lay out of work.
I've worked in dialysis. There are far worse things you are doing to yourself than kidney stones. As in pushing yourself into kidney failure, leading to a life of 3-times a week 4-hour treatments (approximately 20 hours of every week lost) that leave you sapped of energy. If you're taking over the counter painkillers on top of all of this, I urge you to make a change.
Not a scare tactic. Many of my patients sounded like you a couple of years ago. If your kidneys hurt, they're being damaged.
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SylandraJoin Queue for Mafia GamesThe Last Mafia Game
Someone I care about very much just had an awful bout of kidney stones so thanks for passing that along, @Eldanien.
"Oh yeah, you're a naughty mayor, aren't you? Misfile that Form MA631-D. Comptroller Shevat's got a nice gemstone disc for you, but yer gonna have to beg for it."
I've started arguing with myself and berating myself aloud again. I can't seem to get anything right and I'm helping people who've hurt me feel better about doing it. I just don't know how people manage to keep going some times.
Purchased Janet Jackson tickets for my wife earlier in the year. Fourth row, right up by the stage, best tickers I've ever purchased, and Janet is her favorite artist. It was sort of a Valentine's Day/late birthday present, and was kind of a big deal to her. Today, Janet cancelled her tour for the rest of the year.
Everiine said: The reason population is low isn't because there are too many orgs. It's because so many facets of the game are outright broken and protected by those who benefit from it being that way. An overabundance of gimmicks (including game-breaking ones), artifacts that destroy any concept of balance, blatant pay-to-win features, and an obsession with convenience that makes few things actually worthwhile all contribute to the game's sad decline.
Am not the most emotionally stable person in the world. There's a physical reason for it and it's being treated for many years now. Doesn't change that some days are just 'yay emotions, here we are' and my brain is all 'yeah, you know where those come from, ignore'. So you sit at work, put on your smiley face mask and pretend everything is alright till you can go home and actually allow yourself to feel how you actually feel and pray it's getting better. >:P
"Oh yeah, you're a naughty mayor, aren't you? Misfile that Form MA631-D. Comptroller Shevat's got a nice gemstone disc for you, but yer gonna have to beg for it."
I can't hear "Harry f*ing Potter" without thinking of this. (Language warning, obviously. Also, watch Wizard People, Dear Reader if you never have, oh my god)
EDIT: Ah crumbs linking to specific times apparently doesn't work on embedded videos. Skip to 9:40.
When I was younger I had several different people tell me I looked like Christian Slater. I've never understood that. I complained to a friend about it at one point and she was all "yeah, I can see that." So why can't I?
I mean, there's worse guys to look like, so there's that.
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
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SylandraJoin Queue for Mafia GamesThe Last Mafia Game
edited April 2016
When I was a teenager people said "You look like that girl from The Princess Diaries!"
I would always secretly wonder, before or after the transformation??
"Oh yeah, you're a naughty mayor, aren't you? Misfile that Form MA631-D. Comptroller Shevat's got a nice gemstone disc for you, but yer gonna have to beg for it."
I look a lot like Christian Bale, if you don't know what Christian Bale looks like. If you do, I look more like Chris Farley slept with Drew Carey and had an ugly child.
Everiine said: The reason population is low isn't because there are too many orgs. It's because so many facets of the game are outright broken and protected by those who benefit from it being that way. An overabundance of gimmicks (including game-breaking ones), artifacts that destroy any concept of balance, blatant pay-to-win features, and an obsession with convenience that makes few things actually worthwhile all contribute to the game's sad decline.
Everiine said: The reason population is low isn't because there are too many orgs. It's because so many facets of the game are outright broken and protected by those who benefit from it being that way. An overabundance of gimmicks (including game-breaking ones), artifacts that destroy any concept of balance, blatant pay-to-win features, and an obsession with convenience that makes few things actually worthwhile all contribute to the game's sad decline.
I've worked in dialysis. There are far worse things you are doing to yourself than kidney stones. As in pushing yourself into kidney failure, leading to a life of 3-times a week 4-hour treatments (approximately 20 hours of every week lost) that leave you sapped of energy. If you're taking over the counter painkillers on top of all of this, I urge you to make a change.
Not a scare tactic. Many of my patients sounded like you a couple of years ago. If your kidneys hurt, they're being damaged.
I was far too tired and busy to reply to this yesterday, and I appreciate the information. I'm peppering in more water and juices to counterbalance my increased caffeine (primarily coffee, some days energy drinks, some days both) consumption. It's just a total bummer, because not being completely alert at work can (depending on circumstances) get myself or other people hurt or killed. A FINE LINE, MY FRIEND.
The apartment complex my friend lives in suffered arson. She's safe, but her whole apartment has from water damage and she apparently didn't have any insurance cause she couldn't afford it. Mhr.
Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
Comments
Company: 2 of our contractors quit, we are filling one position. Do you want the job?
Me: Damn rights I do, I have over 25 years experience to bring to the table, let's get this going.
Company a week later: Sorry, we have to lay you off. We are not getting the estimated work orders coming in and until such time as we do we cannot justify paying you to sit on call.
Me: FML.
Not a scare tactic. Many of my patients sounded like you a couple of years ago. If your kidneys hurt, they're being damaged.
Ixion tells you, "// I don't think anyone else had a clue, amazing form."
Estarra the Eternal says, "Give Shevat the floor please."
I mean, there's worse guys to look like, so there's that.